It is in our nature as humans to pursue relationships, whether profound connections with family, enjoyment with friends, or rewarding intimacy with a partner. Achieving and sustaining meaningful and enriching relationships can present challenges. Nonetheless, they are worth our efforts to establish and develop.
IDEAL is a five-step process for improving, achieving, or becoming whatever is important to you—in your life or for your business. Today, we’re looking at how IDEAL may be applied for improving relationships.
First, it’s important to understand that IDEAL is a dynamic process, which means that it develops with you, as you learn. The starting point is wherever you are today. The goal is what you gain from following the five steps of this process.
Intend – being clear about what you want
Direct – having a course to reach what you want
Engage – doing what is required to achieve progress along your course
Assess – knowing what is and is not working in your efforts
Learn – being willing and able improve (change)
Take a minute to consider how the success you want depends on these five steps.
Ready? Begin by clarifying what you want to achieve for your relationship.
For example, you may intend to:
· Improve communication
· Deepen emotional connection
· Resolve conflicts more effectively
· Support one another’s goals
Next, as you consider the steps of IDEAL, answer these questions:
Step 1: Intend
How will you know when the goal has been achieved?
Relationship goals are not always clear. A lack of clarity can lead to confusion, miscommunication, and unnecessary challenges with achieving a desired outcome. This question helps reveal your expectations for, and the potential issues with, your approach to the goal.
Example: Let's say your goal is to improve trust and intimacy in your relationship. At the outset, there’s a problem with this goal: it’s vague, since the point of success is subjective and unclear. The success of the goal depends on how you feel. As emotions fluctuate, they may not always align with what is realistically achievable or sustainable in a relationship.
Consider goals with results that can be objectively verified or measured. An objective standard could be used to verify and measure progress toward your goal in these ways:
Increase frequency of open communication and sharing of feelings
A decrease in misunderstandings or conflicts related to trust issues in a month
Instances of constructive behaviors, such as honesty, expressions of trust, and vulnerability
Increase in actions or comments that demonstrate support
Next: How is the success of your goal possible?
If you don’t how your goal is possible, you have no direction to achieve the success that you want. If you lack direction, then your first task is to learn about options that could help you reach the result you want. Start with some research online. Construct a list of viable options, then learn about them to determine which one you want to pursue.
Here are a few ways to improve trust and intimacy in your relationship may be achieved:
1. Attend couples therapy
2. Join relationship workshops or seminars
3. Take relationship communication courses
4. Sign up for a weekend couples retreat
5. Join a couples activity community
6. Read books about relationships together
Next up is the second step of IDEAL: Direct
Step 2: Direct
What are the steps involved in achieving your goal?
Success never occurs spontaneously; success is a result from deliberate effort. As the director of your life, you choose your course. What most people overlook are the details that comprise their course. Imagine taking a trip. Once you know where you want to go (from the Intend step), you then need to decide how you will get there. This is where Direct comes in; it’s all about planning—the details—about how you’ll reach your destination.
Once you have an actionable goal, identify what is necessary in order for your goal to be reached. Think in terms of steps, the plan for what you intend.
Here are some key areas to consider:
Key Tasks: Break down your goal into manageable tasks or objectives that can be worked on consistently. For example, tasks could include having regular open discussions about feelings and concerns, practicing active listening, and engaging in trust-building activities together.
Schedule: Allocate time in your schedule for working on your goals. Incorporate key tasks into your daily or weekly routines to ensure steady progress. This could involve setting aside specific days or times for meaningful conversations, shared activities or weekly date night where both partners focus on open communication and building emotional intimacy, or relationship-building exercises. Use a calendar or digital tools to set deadlines, track progress, and stay organized with commitments related to the goal.
Strategy: As appropriate, develop strategies to support your process. Identify potential obstacles and devise strategies to overcome them. For instance, if communication is a challenge for the couple, they could read relationship books, access online resources, or seek professional guidance to learn effective communication techniques and address underlying issues that impact their trust and intimacy.
Resources: Identify and secure necessary resources, information, skills, and support systems for your plan. Seek additional support or expertise as required promotes your chances of success.
Accountability: Establish accountability mechanisms for milestones or tracking key commitment or effort indicators. By holding each other accountable and celebrating achievements, the couple can stay motivated and focused on their goal. Setbacks provide learning opportunities so couple can make necessary adjustments in their efforts and continue to move forward in progress toward greater trust and intimacy in their relationship.
The key to success at the Direct step is to create a structured and strategic plan that guides your intent to achieve your desired outcome.
Step 3: Engage
What results do you need from the steps of your process?
In order to have actionable intention, you need a direction to follow. That direction needs to be broken down into steps, so that you can understand a process for your success – your goal (this is done at the Direct step). At Engage, for each step of your process to be successful, and failure to be averted, we need to establish the specific results necessary at each step.
Take Action: Implement the strategies you've planned. Actively engage in behaviors that support your relationship goals, such as being attentive, expressing appreciation, and being empathetic.
Example: During your weekly date nights, you engage by having meaningful conversations, expressing gratitude for each other, and practicing empathetic listening.
Step 4: Assess
What’s working and what needs to change?
Evaluate Progress: Regularly assess how your efforts are impacting the relationship. Identify what's working well and what areas need further improvement or adjustment.
Example: After a few weeks of consistent date nights and improved communication, assess whether trust and intimacy have indeed increased. You may notice positive changes in how connected you feel with your partner.
Step 5: Learn
Success comes from discovery of how to improve, then applying what you’ve learned.
Reflect and Adapt: Reflect on your experiences and learn from them. Identify lessons learned, discover new insights about each other, and adapt your approach based on what you've discovered.
Example: If you find that certain communication patterns still lead to misunderstandings, learn from these experiences and adjust your communication style. This could involve practicing active listening techniques or seeking guidance from a relationship counselor.
By following the IDEAL framework, you create a structured and intentional plan for improving your relationship. Each step ensures that you set clear goals, develop effective strategies, take consistent action, evaluate progress, and continuously learn and adapt to nurture a healthy and fulfilling connection.
© copyright 2024 Steven Robert Young. All rights reserved.
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