5 min read

Do We REALLY Change?

Updated: 6 days ago

The Value of Conscious Change

Let’s get straight to the point: Yes, we change. But the real question is, what is the value of conscious change? When it comes to self-improvement, we can agree that there are three kinds of change people consciously make: Reactive (driven by external pressures), Emotional (driven by internal feelings), and Intentional (driven by rational consideration).

By distinguishing between these types of change, we arrive at an interesting realization about how much we truly change.

Reactive Change

Reactive change is forced upon us by external circumstances—often beyond our control. For instance, one might change their lifestyle after a health scare, adapt to a new work environment following a sudden layoff, or relocate due to economic necessity. These changes certainly influence our behavior, but they often lack the depth and purpose of intentional transformation.

Emotional Change

Emotional change arises from internal feelings, often lacking deliberate planning. It’s change driven primarily by mood rather than a conscious decision. For example, someone might quit a job in frustration or take up a new hobby simply because it feels exciting at the moment. Emotional changes tend to be impulsive and, as a result, are typically less stable than those made with careful consideration.

Intentional Change

Intentional change is consciously planned and executed based on rational thinking, aligning with long-term goals, beliefs, and values. This type of change is deliberate and involves thoughtful decision-making and strategic action. Examples include starting a regular exercise routine to meet health goals, pursuing further education for career advancement, or systematically saving for retirement.

Intentional change holds the most value because it is born from deliberate consideration. It’s the kind of change most closely tied to what is truly meaningful in our lives. In contrast, reactive change happens in response to a situation and often lacks thoughtful engagement, while emotional change is driven by feelings and can bypass conscious decision-making. Despite its significance, people often shy away from intentional change because it demands more effort, making it the most challenging type.

Intentional change also requires a higher level of self-awareness and a willingness to step outside one's comfort zone. As a result, it is less frequent, and its likelihood tends to diminish as we age.

Aligning Actions with Values: The Reality Check

If intentional change is truly the most valuable, why is it so difficult to act on the things we claim matter most? Why don’t we exercise regularly, eat better, or commit to the meaningful goals we set for ourselves? The reality is, many of us know what’s important but still fail to prioritize it.

This gap between knowledge and action highlights a fundamental challenge of intentional change. Knowing what we should do is easy; the harder part is doing it consistently. Whether it’s maintaining a healthier lifestyle or focusing on long-term goals, we often allow immediate comfort or external distractions to take precedence.

The struggle is universal: we say our values matter, but our actions often reflect something else. The disconnect between what we know is important and how we behave reveals the difficulty of making intentional change. This type of transformation requires more than awareness; it demands sustained effort, discipline, and an ability to confront discomfort in the pursuit of lasting growth.

Some Background

For as long as I can remember—over four decades—I’ve been deeply interested in life’s big questions. My father shared this interest, and over the years, we enjoyed countless conversations exploring various aspects of life. These discussions spanned everything from faith to science, covering topics like consciousness, God, virtual reality, astral projection, reincarnation, life after death, and quantum physics, to name a few.

Recently, I realized that our fundamental perspectives have shifted very little over the years. My father remains grounded in science, while I still take a more philosophical approach. The minor changes that have occurred seem largely age-related, influencing certain aspects of my personality but not my core beliefs or faith. For instance, time has softened me, leading to greater tolerance—a change that seems more tied to aging than to deliberate self-transformation.

As much as I’d like to credit myself for “progress” in tolerance and patience, I find myself questioning the depth of this change. If my vigor suddenly returned, would I slip back into the impatient tendencies of my younger self? In other words, have I really changed?

When I talk about “change,” I don’t mean superficial adjustments forced by circumstances. I’m referring to a fundamental shift in attitudes, behaviors, or worldview achieved through deliberate, intentional effort.

Don’t Misunderstand Me

I’m not suggesting that people can’t change. Of course, they can. One of my biggest changes came at age 16 when I adopted Christianity as my worldview. A few years later, my father also embraced the Christian faith. He, like myself, wholeheartedly dedicated himself to growing within that framework. This kind of change—one that redefines the core of who we are—stands in contrast to the gradual shifts that might happen as we age or encounter life’s challenges.

What Drives Significant Change?

Many factors likely contribute to why we change, especially when it involves a fundamental shift in beliefs. We develop certain beliefs early on, abandoning some—like our faith in Santa Claus—as we grow older. At other points, we adopt beliefs that align more closely with what we perceive as true, even when doing so is challenging. We may yield to peer pressure for a time, but ideally, we grow beyond that. As we continue to develop, we inevitably question the meaning of life or our purpose within it, reconsidering our beliefs.

This reflection reveals an essential tension between comfort and authenticity in our beliefs and choices. True self-honesty requires probing beyond surface-level understanding and confronting our own motives, even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s difficult to break away from beliefs that validate our current worldview, yet real growth often requires embracing perspectives that unsettle our comfort zones.

Reconciling beliefs isn’t merely an intellectual exercise; it shapes our experiences and influences how we navigate life’s inevitable complexities. The drive to adopt comfortable beliefs is tempting—especially when they align with our preferences. Yet, the pursuit of truth requires us to confront ideas that push us beyond convenience, demanding effort and openness.

Deliberate Change vs. Passive Adaptation

The question of whether personal change is deliberate or simply a consequence of time and circumstance adds another layer. Growth rooted in conscious choice demands continuous reflection, while passive change can feel unsettling because it raises doubts about our control over who we’re becoming. Are we actively shaping our development, or are we simply adapting to life’s demands?

Final Thoughts

Ultimately, understanding our transformations may be less about labeling them as intentional or unintentional and more about how we incorporate them into our evolving sense of self. True understanding lies not in dissecting every motivation but in channeling these evolving aspects of ourselves into a coherent vision of who we are and who we strive to be. Integration, acceptance, and ongoing refinement are at the heart of authentic growth and deeper self-knowledge.